Sleepy Cues vs. Overtired Signs: Cracking the Code
Timing is everything when it comes to sleep!
A common mistake when it comes to reading sleepy cues is confusing sleepy cues with overtired signs. Every child cues a little differently, but let’s break down the difference between common sleepy cues and common overtired signs.
Sleepy Cues in Newborns and Infants:
Decreased activity
Slower motions
Less vocal
Sucking is weaker or slower
Quieter
Calmer
Appears disinterested in surroundings
Eyes are less focused
Eyelids drooping
Yawning
Less social
Overtired Signs in Newborns and Infants:
Fussing
Cranky
Irritability
Rubbing eyes
For older infants: Falling asleep whenever in motion (car, stroller, swing, etc) ⠀
Increased activity and being "wound up" after sleep window has passed ⠀
Boredom with toys or lack of engagement ⠀
Pulling at ears
Having difficulty settling into sleep
Waking frequently at night without nutritional need
Sleeping more restlessly
Sleepy Cues in Toddlers and Children
Motions are slower
Heavy eyelids or just staring off into space
Less vocal
A small yawn
Disinterest in what’s going on around them (they are now ignoring the dog they just tried to hitch a ride on)
Calm/relaxed
Overtired Signs in Toddlers and Children:
Fussing
Cranky
Irritability
Rubbing eyes
Tantrums that aren’t typical for your child and come out of nowhere
Clumsiness
Clinginess
More vocal
Fidgety
Having to be woken up to stay on a normal sleep schedule
Unusually hyperactive
Aggressive
Frequent night wakings
Have more difficulty settling into sleep
Wake more frequently at night
Sleep more restlessly
Tend to wake earlier in the morning
Potentially have difficulty with naps
Boredom or disinterest in activities or toys
Some children will exhibit many sleepy cues, whereas others will exhibit few to none. Often your child will appear to be playing happily when it is time for rest. The sleepy cues are usually subtle. The goal is to catch our children before they become overtired. Once a child is overtired, the hormone cortisol is released which makes it more difficult to fall asleep and stay asleep. Once you see sleepy cues, begin your bedtime routine. If your child misses the sleep window and becomes overtired, start your soothing routine earlier next time.
Methods to Catch Sleepy Cues
Observation Practice Developing an observation practice takes just a few minutes a day. While we are usually paying close attention to our children, an observation practice is an opportunity to take a step back and observe our child from a more objective perspective. It helps us distinguish between our child’s needs and our projections, and know when to intervene or when to stay out of the way. We can observe the subtleties of the child’s behavior and untangle the difference between sleepy cues and overtired signs. This practice is helpful for children of all ages, but it is especially helpful for newborns as they are not on a biological schedule yet.
Take a few minutes each day to sit and observe quietly with the intention of really noticing and understanding your child.
Take deep breaths through the nose.
Notice what questions come up.
Make observations rather than judgements.
Be curious and interested.
Try not interfere or interact unless your child has a need.
Use Biological Timing For children over the age of 4 months, their natural biological sleep rhythms will fall around the same time each day. It is important to push our child as close to their biological timing as possible. It can be a constant balance between making it to biological time and avoiding the overtired state.
There are some fluctuations that will happen within a biological schedule. For example, if your child has a short or mistimed nap, he or she may need an earlier bedtime. An observation practice will help you to determine whether you are timing your child’s sleep well. Use the schedule as a roadmap and your child’s behavior as the road signs telling you if you are on the right path.
Children will become chronically overtired if we continually miss their sleepy window. When this happens, parents may mistake the overtired signs for a developmental change, teething, or normal toddler behavior. If you think your child may be chronically overtired, use an early bedtime to help get sleep back on track.
Chart Naps and Night Sleep Don’t rely on your memory to remember sleepy cues and patterns. It is helpful to chart naps and night sleep using pen and paper or using a nap charting app. Take notes about your child’s sleepy cues, time of naps and bedtime, how long it took to fall asleep, and your child’s behavior. While I don’t recommend wake windows (the amount of time awake before sleep) as a primary indicator of sleep timing, it can be helpful to notice how long your child is awake before exhibiting sleepy cues. Use your child’s behavior as your primary metric for sleep timing.
Paying attention to how long it took to fall asleep is another important indicator of whether or not your child is “crashing” from overtiredness. If it takes 5 minutes or less to fall asleep, that is a good indicator that you need to move the bedtime or nap a little earlier.
Use the Scientific Method You know your question--what are my child's sleep cues? You have done your research. Now you can make a guess. Based on what you have observed so far, what are your child's sleepy cues?
For the next few naps, try starting a nap after you see those cues. Take notes in your sleep log. Note what cues you used and how the nap or night sleep went. If things are going well, stick with it. If they aren't, decide what to tweak. Continue tweaking until you get it right. With time and practice, you will intuitively know when your child is primed for sleep..
Adjust When Needed Often, as soon as we figure out something out about our child, it changes! Using a sleep log and observation practice will help you to catch these changes and adapt.
Don’t Expect Perfection Our children are unique and ever changing. Chances are we will not get it right every single time, and that is okay. Taking the time to really tune in and do our best to create a healthy sleep foundation is one of the best gifts we can give our children.
You’ve got this!
Please note: This is not intended to be medical advice. Certain medical conditions may disrupt sleep and must be resolved before implementing any strategies
Margit Foster
December 2020
